Laugh With Them, Not at Them

Ace Spandex :: The Good Guys

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Lookin' good!
Ace Spandex

Real name
Aaron Khouri
Occupation
Computers 'n' languages 'n'...I dunno...weird junk like that
Species
Terran
Talents
Computers 'n' languages 'n' wei--oh, he's also good at blowing bubbles with gum!
Hyperability
Intelligence skyrockets in relation to technology
Personality
Laid back, likes pop culture
Fears
Firearms
History
April 14-20, 9082 :: parents notice his learning accelerates in relation to computers, so they place him in studies; studies prove he has a hyperability // May 1, 9082 :: switches from regular schooling to hyperability schooling on Gaia // April 19, 9103 :: family gets gunned down in his apartment building lobby due to a malfunctioning security drone; develops a fear of firearms // April 30, 9103 :: enters therapy // July 20, 9108 :: joins the Good Guys
Quotation
"If you're receiving a shipment of napalm, I'd like to know where ground zero is." (from issue 3, Technophobia)

Appetite :: The Bad Guys

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Appetite

Real name
Your guess is as good as mine
Occupation
Eating, digesting, eating, digesting, eating
Species
Some weird gargoyle species
Talents
See Occupation, also not listening when it's time for walkies
Hyperability
None
Personality
None...almost literally none
Fears
Too stupid for fears
History
Nothing was known about this thing until Master Asinine bought it like it was a mail-order bride...and now I can't get that image out of my head...
Quotation
The most it's ever spoken is to slurp up a lamppost
Solo story
Make sure to check out Appetite's solo story!

Braindead :: The Bad Guys

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Braindead

Real name
Nerrgggghhhhhggg
Occupation
Chief bodyguard to Master Asinine
Species
Virillian
Talents
Marksmanship, combat, blank stares
Hyperability
None
Personality
Doesn't speak, is loyal to Lieutenant IQ 23 and Master Asinine
Fears
None
History
August 30, 9102 :: meets Master Asinine and helps form the Mikazin Clan // March 18, 9103 :: helps form the Bad Guys
Quotation
A good old blank stare (from any issue--kinda his catchphrase)

Brick :: The Bad Guys

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Brick

Real name
Unknown but people call him Boxy the Boxiest
Occupation
Scientist
Species
Logistican
Talents
Mad sciencing, making freaky awesome gadgets...is that redundant?
Hyperability
Possesses brick-coated skin
Personality
Uses billion-moolah sentences, is intellectual, can make a catapult that launches ice cream into Master Asinine's mouth from eighty yards away
Fears
Using three-letter words if his vocabulary is any indication
History
May 31, 9088 :: is successful in fusing his skin with bricks for the sake of science!! // September 1, 9109 :: accepts a position with the Bad Guys
Quotation
"Mr. Asinine, if apposition has registered suitably, might I promote a subterfuge of discharging our pomme de terre armory upon the space vessel?" (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)

Burnout :: The Good Guys

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Burnout

Real name
Mark Abends
Occupation
Field agent
Species
Terran
Talents
Bodybuilding, keeping his brother Power Plant out of trouble...actually he's not that good at that last thing
Hyperability
Creating/manipulating fire
Personality
Has high-tension, acts with brotherly love toward Power Plant, is overprotective toward Power Plant, is easily angered
Fears
Something will happen to Power Plant
History
March 14, 9096 :: runs away from home with Power Plant, scars his father for physically abusing Power Plant // November 6, 9096 :: arrested for stealing food // November 14, 9096 :: is released from prison but continues to steal for survival; continues to be imprisoned // February 1, 9100 :: is given money by the government to live a straight life // April 30, 9100 :: opens a training gym for hyperabilitied youths // July 7, 9101 :: closes gym due to lack of income; becomes a construction worker // July 20, 9108 :: joins the Good Guys
Quotation
"Jeff, you know what happens when you make up acronyms. Your brain thinks you're spelling and it overheats." (from issue 1, Serial Fiction Sideshow)

Car Alarm :: The Good Guys

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Car Alarm

Real name
None
Occupation
Pilot, loudest thing in the room
Species
Robot
Talents
Screaming, hollering, blaring, clattering, waking up the neighbors
Hyperability
None
Personality
By now you know he's just a screaming robot snowman
Fears
None
History
September 9, 9109 :: is built by Power Plant // September 10, 9109 :: starts annoying others
Quotation
Just go outside and listen to a city street...you'll get one of his quotations in five minutes

Franchise :: The Good Guys

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Franchise

Real name
Jacob Refensil
Occupation
Field agent
Species
Terran
Talents
Cracking his knuckles
Hyperability
Multiplying himself
Personality
Gets involved in Power Plant's pranks, harbors fears for just about everything you can think of
Fears
...we should probably start with what he's not afraid of: puppies
History
November 6, 9099 :: drops out of school due to underperformance, works at his parents' recharge station // July 20, 9108 :: joins the Good Guys // September 3, 9108 :: resumes tutor-based schooling
Quotation
"Every time you screw around with stuff, I end up needing another chemical shower." (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion
Solo story
Make sure to check out Franchise's solo story!

Harrier :: The Good Guys

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Harrier

Real name
Everett Pendleton
Occupation
Field agent
Species
Terran
Talents
Being British, overpronouncing his T's
Hyperability
Possessing wings
Personality
Acts too serious for his own good, is OCD about control
Fears
Losing control of situations
History
October 18, 9087 :: joins Intergalactic Protection // August 25, 9105 :: leads a squad into an ambush at Abell 400 in which only he survives // January 1, 9107 :: is dismissed from active duty due to his hypermutation // July 20, 9108 :: joins the Good Guys
Quotation
"Nothing has ended in bloodshed, has it?" (from issue 3, Technophobia)

Ice Cream Headache :: The Bad Guys

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Ice Cream Headache

Real name
Hailie MacReynolds
Occupation
Maniac, soldier
Species
Terran
Talents
Streetfighting
Hyperability
Numbing people's brains with ice cream headaches that "taste" like different flavors
Personality
Follower, thug, trying to overcome her position as the only woman on the Bad Guys, trying to overcome her position as the only Bad Guy who has a tasty hyperability with low-fat options
Fears
Lactose
History
August 1, 9074 :: gets first ice cream headache and develops hyperability // July 14, 9084 :: starts robbing banks by freezing people's brains // August 2, 9084 :: media gives her a media name // October 3, 9109 :: joins the Bad Guys
Quotation
"Leave my cone alone leave my cone alone." (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)

Kamikaze :: The Good Guys

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Kamikaze

Real name
Unknown
Occupation
Pilot/nagivator
Species
Terran
Talents
Devising cockamamie ways to die and then showing off that talent
Hyperability
Resurrecting, flying
Personality
Has an unhealhty exhuberance for dying
Fears
Absolutely nothing, much to the chagrin of everybody else
History
January 14, 9069 :: drowns in a bathtub but self-revives minutes later, revealing hyperability // March 20, 9076 :: makes first attempt at suicide; begins a lifelong thrill with pain and suicide; thinks everyone dies and returns to life // September 18, 9076 :: begins staging schoolyard suicide for his classmates, charging money for attendance // May 27, 9109 :: joins the Good Guys
Quotation
"Yes, finally my death will come. And how unexpected: the fifth plague." (from issue 3, Technophobia)

Legion :: The Good Guys

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Legion

Real name
Matross Legion
Occupation
Leader
Species
Trioxidillian
Talents
Leading, putting up with Power Plant, making snide comments about Master Asinine, mostly leading...he's cool that way
Hyperability
None and he still pulls off being Legion
Personality
Sacrastic, is a follower of Alaphus, doubts his faith, feels grief over the death of Sopher
Fears
That Power Plant will find out the Good Guys own an oven
History
June 30, 9092 :: joins Intergalactic Protection // January 4, 9093 :: meets Master Asinine // February 2, 9093 :: meets Randall Sopher // December 1, 9094 :: begins hating latent technology // September 7, 9102 :: enters military college // July 2, 9106 :: graduates military college, becomes captain // July 20, 9108 :: forms the Good Guys // July 21, 9108 :: begins wondering if Power Plant will be the death of him
Quotation
"Power Plant didn't pour mayonnaise into the coolant slot again, did he?" (from issue 3, Technophobia

Lieutenant IQ 23 :: The Bad Guys

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Lieutenant IQ 23

Real name
Unrevealed
Occupation
Second-in-command of the Bad Guys, gofer, Master Asinine's personal assistant, chainsaw juggler at Master Asinine's request
Species
Terran
Talents
Not chainsaw juggling
Hyperability
None
Personality
Submissive, follower
Fears
Almost nothing since he doesn't think twice as long as Master Asinine says it's okay, mice
History
August 30, 9102 :: meets Master Asinine // March 18, 9103 :: helps form the Mikazin Clan and creates his media name // July 19, 9108 :: helps form the Bad Guys
Quotation
"Sir, I just got a buzz from your automated mailbox. Your Masters of the Universe toy set has arrived." (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)

Master Asinine :: The Bad Guys

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Master Asinine

Real name
George Lowensland
Occupation
Criminal leader of The Bad Guys, self-appointed minister
Species
Terran
Talents
According to him, everything; also fashion
Hyperability
None
Personality
Stupid, eccentric, lover of teen music, has bad fashion sense, believes in the power of positive thinking when it comes to growing a third eye
Fears
That his plans for creating the first chocolate/chalk empire, Chalkolataria, will never be fully realized
History
January 2, 9093 :: drops out of school // January 3, 9093 :: joins Intergalactic Protection as a private // January 4, 9093 :: meets Matross Legion // February 2, 9093 :: meets Randall Sopher // October 7-8, 9094 :: "helps" stop the Havlic Riots, shoves a cucumber into his right ear // April 9-July 9, 9095 :: serves in the shellshock ward of Intergalactic Protection // May 20-27, 9097 :: becomes a prisoner of war and gets tortured // August 30, 9102 :: meets Braindead and Lieutenant IQ 23 // December 4, 9102 :: kills Sopher and turns against Intergalactic Protection // March 18, 9103 :: forms the McKazin Clan // June 13, 9104 :: renames the McKazin Clan to the Mikazin Clan // July 19, 9108 :: forms the Bad Guys
Quotation
"This device's musical preference is disco, which is awesome because disco is painful." (from issue 3, Technophobia)

Mechanism :: The Bad Guys

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Mechanism

Real name
Unrevealed, but it's probably snooty and ends with "The Third"
Occupation
Soldier, revolutionary
Species
Terran
Talents
Ho boy, don't get him started
Hyperability
None, but that robot suit of his is really boss
Personality
Bold, conceited, judgmental, slightly alcoholic
Fears
Idiots, that his fellow criminals will drink his wines while he's not watching
History
June 1, 9070 :: creates his first Mechanism suit // June 1, 9070 :: congratulates himself for creating his first Mechanism suit // June 19, 9070 :: finishes congratulating himself for creating his first Mechanism suit // August 23, 9109 :: joins the Bad Guys
Quotation
"This is Master Asinine's favorite door. If we destroy it, we return to mandatory breakfasts in suppository form." (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)

Momentum :: The Good Guys

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Momentum

Real name
Ghiglix
Occupation
Field agent
Species
Fleeson
Talents
Being snide, running fast, not being a hit at a party
Hyperability
Technically none (all Fleesons move at hyperspeed)
Personality
Is distrustul
Fears
The dark, but don't let that on
History
July 20, 9108 :: joins the Good Guys
Quotation
"For the last time, it's Momentum. Do I have to home-school you on that word?" (from issue 1, Serial Fiction Sideshow)

Multipurpose :: The Bad Guys

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Multipurpose

Real name
Let's not get intrusive here
Occupation
Ninja
Species
Bulbosoid
Talents
Not being a ninja, eating
Hyperability
None but being blubber
Personality
Angry, abrasive, getting exhausted, deluding himself
Fears
A good ninja knows no fear. Lucky for us, he's not a good ninja.
History
February 14, 9068 :: : starts being ridiculed for weight, first claims he’s a ninja and begins training // October 5, 9019 :: responds to Master Asinine’s job call for a ninja // October 7, 9109 :: joins the Bad Guys
Quotation
"If not for my crocking ninja reflexes and ironlike ninja skin, I could have been injured." (from issue 5, The Genetic Equation)

Null :: The Good Guys

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Null

Real name
Roger Dodger, or at least that's what Power Plant calls him
Occupation
Field agent, doorstop
Species
Terran
Talents
Breathing, drooling, staring
Hyperability
Being in a coma
Personality
He's permantently comatose, sssssoooo......
Fears
None
History
None, just...none
Quotation
He's in a coma, so good luck get anything out of him

Patton :: Intergalactic Protection

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Patton

Real name
Patton
Occupation
Brigadier general with Intergalactic Protection, liaison to The Good Guys
Species
Terran
Talents
Commanding, loving sponsor gratuities
Hyperability
None
Personality
Warm, understanding, loves his snacks
Fears
None
History
Nothing too important yet
Quotation
"Before we start, my orders are to tell you the new season of Full-Contact Car Tag debuts Monday. Eh. I'm not a big fan of romantic dramas." (from issue 1, Serial Fiction Sideshow)

Pincushion :: The Good Guys

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Pincushion

Real name
Abioye Kofi Iwu
Occupation
Soldier
Species
Terran
Talents
Leading, roof repair
Hyperability
Spiky extensions over his body
Personality
Insomniac, focused, reserved, serious
Fears
None
History
January 4, 9064 :: born with hypermutation of spikes // February 27, 9070 :: parents abandon him at a shopping mall because of his spikes, begins living out of garbage cans // June 28, 9090 :: joins the Mission Beach Police Department on Gaia, passes the fitness test based on all the running he did on the streets, gets a forward on his paycheck // July 1, 9090 :: moves into first apartment // August 17, 9095 :: pulls over a speeding car, driver shoots him through the kneecap, leg is reattached with a low-grade cybernetic knee that squeaks and makes him limp, begins suffering insomnia // August 21, 9095 :: is released from the hospital and from duty // May 25, 9109 :: joins the Good Guys
Quotation
"Hopefully Asinine hasn't set up his hyena catapults." (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)
Solo story
Make sure to check out Pincushion's solo story!

Plaster :: The Bad Guys

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Plaster

Real name
Unrevealed
Occupation
Grunt, oil painter
Species
Terran
Talents
Strength, being a grunt, giving sideways glances, being uggly (notice the extra G in there)
Hyperability
Constantly melting/constantly replenishing skin, superhuman strength and durability
Personality
Abrasive, sarcastic, surly, and we love him for that
Fears
Master Asinine's alarm clock, usually around 5 a.m. to 7 a.m.
History
November 17, 9067 :: kills a classmate and is deemed a juvenile delinquent, is placed in foster homes, criminal programs, and special schools // April 1, 9076 :: runs off and begins a life of crime that includes armed robbery, murder, assault causing bodily harm, drug trafficking, and adopting a kitten without proper paperwork // December 4, 9081 :: arrested // July 31, 9082 :: sentenced to die on December 4, 9082 // August 2, 9082 :: agrees to go through an experiment to cure skin diseases in trade for a demotion of his sentence to life imprisonment // September 10, 9083 :: goes through with experiment, skin goes into a constant-melting-constant-replenishing state, given the media name Plaster // March 18, 9103 :: becomes a founder of the Bad Guys
Quotation
"It's a diabolical plan. He'll use our own sippy cup against us." (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)

Power Plant :: The Good Guys

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Power Plant

Real name
Jeff Abends
Occupation
Field agent, diversionary tactics, red meat eater
Species
Terran
Talents
Robotics, making you facepalm and question the human race
Hyperability
Light manipulation (he shoots lasers from body parts)
Personality
Immature, happy-go-lucky, mischievous, not the brightest bulb
Fears
Traffic detours
History
March 14, 9096 :: with brother Mark, runs away from home to escape physical abuse // November 6, 9096-February 1, 9100 :: is arrested multiple times for stealing food // July 7, 9101 :: finds work as a construction worker // July 20, 9108 :: joins the Good Guys mostly to get more access to processed sugar // July 22, 9108 :: adopts the media name Power Plant because, hey, it was as good a name as any
Quotation
"One o' my nostrils is bigger than the other." (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)

Reef :: The Good Guys

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Reef

Real name
Silas Reef
Occupation
Field agent
Species
Terran
Talents
Putting up with Kamikaze, putting up with Power Plant, putting up with his ex-wife, racketball
Hyperability
Classified
Personality
Alcoholic, sarcastic, leader, dependable
Fears
Losing control of his hyperability
History
Classified
Quotation
"Kamikaze, please help me. I'm losing the feeling in my toes and you're turning into an optical illusion." (from issue 3, Technophobia)
Solo story
Make sure to check out Reef's solo story!

Scapegoat :: The Bad Guys

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Scapegoat

Real name
Who knows, who cares?
Occupation
Space filler
Species
Terran
Talents
Mixing his words up
Hyperability
Blame magnetism
Personality
Subservience, loyalty
Fears
Not sure if he knows what fear is
History
July 19, 9108 :: becomes a founding member of the Bad Guys // July 20, 9108 to present :: nothing of note
Quotation
"Yes, live me serve to master, yes." (from issue 3, Technophobia)

Schizophrenic :: The Bad Guys

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Schizophrenic

Real name
Lefty and Righty
Occupation
Head of security (see what I did there? Head? I'm funny), soldier
Species
Terran
Talents
Marksmanship, combat, crocking off those around him
Hyperability
He has two heads...isn't that enough?
Personality
(Lefty) abrasive, sarcastic; (Righty) airheaded, excitable, stupid, clueless
Fears
Lefty is too cocky to have fears and Righty is too stupid
History
December 31, 9055 :: abandoned at an orphanage // January 16, 9068 :: runs away from the orphanage, finds a mobile home, kills its owner (an old man), and lives there, building a petty crime gang that operates out of the mobile home // September 18, 9082 :: found by Grestlix of the Houdin clan and asked to become his personal bodyguard, accepts and kills his crime gang, and then sets fire to his mobile home // July 19, 9108 :: joins the Bad Guys // July 21, 9108 :: kills Grestlix and becomes Master Asinine's bodyguard
Quotation
"Asinine thinks the guy at Space Cow is diabolical because he keeps putting too many onions in his rump burger." (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)

Smithereens :: The Good Guys

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Smithereens

Real name
Cliff Boinette
Occupation
Demolitions
Species
Terran
Talents
Making bombs and blowing them up (and a lot of other stuff)
Hyperability
None
Personality
Enthusiastic about explosives, calm in the face of danger
Fears
A guy who works as close to explosives as him doesn't have a lot of fears (but it's clowns)
History
May 5, 9068 :: begins experimenting with chemicals in a science kit he got for his birthday, learns to make explosives // October 2, 9076 :: gets a job doing demolition with a construction company // June 1, 9082 :: begins getting famous for bringing down landmark buildings that were crumbling // September 18, 9109 :: joins the Good Guys
Quotation
"Need something splattered? You know my motto: 'Whatever needs detonating, I'm threatenating,' eh." (from issue 3, Technophobia)

Topsy and Turvy :: The Good Guys

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Topsy and Turvy

Real name
Your guess is as good as mine
Occupation
Good Guy receptionists, desk clerks, acrobats
Species
Again, your guess is as good as mine
Talents
Flipping around, being blurry, scaring the crap out of your sense of sight with that orange hair and purple skin and...you get the idea
Hyperability
Check out that color scheme of theirs
Personality
Happy-go-lucky, chirpy, overexcited
Fears
Nothing, those lil' daredevils
History
August 14, 9109 :: joins the Good Guys, but other than that, these guys are a secret
Quotation
"Don't mean to--rain on your fun, but--we should--keep those investors alive, hey hey--until they invest at least some--money in--the Good Guys. Double-flip action!" (from issue 3, Technophobia)