Merchandise: The Goods

Bookmark

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What the--A bookmark for a book series??

Trash those old bookmarks, cuz this is the only one you'll ever need!

I know what you're thinking: "This is just a simple bookmark." Bbbuuutttttt...

...it is.

Okay, so it's just a bookmark. But pledge your allegiance to the IAGFFA flag by sticking this between the pages of whatever lesser book you're reading between installments of the mega-awesome In a Galaxy Far, Far AwRy super series. I'll love you forever.

And that's a guarantee you can bank on!

SKU
PROD-101
Price
$2.00 (+ $10.00 shipping)
Link
This thing will not only mark your book, it'll read it to you! Almost.

Issue 1 Cover Poster

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Spread this out. It needs to breathe.

It's the cover for the first cover except bigger! And louder!

Have you ever stared at a wall and thought, "I really need a book cover on this thing"? Now's your chance!

Flying right at your vision, this amazing poster of In a Galaxy Far, Far AwRy's first stellar, paradigm-shifting, not-oversold book 1, Serial Fiction Sideshow! This 11x17 rectangle of honour will (1) impress your friends, family, and fans, (2) wow you with its vibrant colours and shadings, and (3) allow me to use a numbered list.

Yes, your life will be better. Your mind will be clearer. Your taxes will make more sense. And that frigging patch in your paint will finally be covered up. Hallelujah!

SKU
PROD-102
Price
$10.00 (+ $10.00 shipping)
Link
Grab this amazing wall shirt while you can!

Issue 1 Moustache Cover Poster

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Suave that boring room up already!

This poster makes any drab room 30 percent more suave!

All the stuff about the regular cover poster, except with more hair and wax!

Yes, that exclusive cover of issue 1 where the cast has suddenly gone through puberty and grown thick, luscious 'staches...for only ten cold, hard ones (beers? no, dollars), that baby can hang proudly on your wall! Get this while it's red hot, 'cause this poster's going fast...ish!

(Oh, and you know what? Ask slyly, and I'll even sign it for you. Because there's nothing more sought after than a signature from a Q-list author.)

SKU
PROD-103
Price
$10.00 (+ $10.00 shipping)
Link
The suave don't stop with this poster!

Car Alarm T-shirt

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Better than an ugly Christmas sweater!

What's this? Stuff you can wear? Will wonders never cease! Yes. They cease right after you snag this beauty.

Hola, amigos! So you've stumbled upon possibly--neigh, definitely--the best pop culture shirt ad this side of that other thing you bought at the expo the other day when you were half drunk and couldn't quite walk straight.

This is the Car Alarm T-shirt, personally authorized by the book author himself. Comes in black and is available in any size between small and extra-extra-large for those of you who like wearing flags. Toddler sizes also available in white. Hey, I'd offer this thing in neon green if I could and you asked for it! But don't ask for it. You'd look like a highlighter. Seriously, man.

Comes complete with holes for arms, torso, and even head! Extra holes made upon request. Like, if you had wings, I could cut out a couple of extra tears in the shoulder blades just so those majestic flappers could breathe.

Preorder now and, for a limited time only, snag yourself a free high-five!

A Gildan 5000, made from heavy cotton. Preorders happening right now! Be the envy or at least a topic of conversation among all your friends!

Car Alarm would be proud...if he were intelligent enough to feel pride.

Buyer beware, 'cause everything is all downhill after this purchase.

SKU
PROD-106
Price
$25.00 (+ $10.00 shipping)
Link
Preorder this amazing addition to your wardrobe!