Characters: Laugh With Them, Not at Them!
Name: Ace Spandex
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- Aaron Khouri
- Faction
- The Good Guys
- Occupation
- Computers 'n' languages 'n'...I dunno...weird junk like that
- Species
- Terran
- Talents
- Computers 'n' languages 'n' wei--oh, he's also good at blowing bubbles with gum!
- Hyperability
- Intelligence skyrockets in relation to technology
- Personality
- Laid back, likes pop culture
- Fears
- Firearms
- Appearances
- History
- April 14-20, 9082 parents notice his learning accelerates in relation to computers, so they place him in studies; studies prove he has a hyperability May 1, 9082 switches from regular schooling to hyperability schooling on Gaia April 19, 9103 family gets gunned down in his apartment building lobby due to a malfunctioning security drone; develops a fear of firearms April 30, 9103 enters therapy July 20, 9108 joins the Good Guys
- Quotation
- "If you're receiving a shipment of napalm, I'd like to know where ground zero is." (from issue 3, Technophobia)
Name: Amaranthia
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- Unrevealed
- Faction
- No faction
- Occupation
- Ninja
- Species
- Terran
- Talents
- Slicin' up fools
- Hyperability
- Wait 'n' see
- Personality
- Wait 'n' see
- Fears
- Wait 'n' see
- Appearances
- History
- This character doesn't get out of the house
- Quotation
- This character doesn't speak
Name: Appetite
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- Your guess is as good as mine
- Faction
- The Bad Guys
- Occupation
- Eating, digesting, eating, digesting, eating
- Species
- Some weird gargoyle species
- Talents
- See Occupation, also not listening when it's time for walkies
- Hyperability
- None
- Personality
- None...almost literally none
- Fears
- Too stupid for fears
- Appearances
- History
- Nothing was known about this thing until Master Asinine bought it like it was a mail-order bride...and now I can't get that image out of my head...
- Quotation
- The most it's ever spoken is to slurp up a lamppost
- Solo story
- Make sure to check out Appetite's solo story!
Name: Appliance
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- Appliance
- Faction
- The Bad Guys
- Occupation
- Servant to Mechanism
- Species
- Robot
- Talents
- Doing whatever Mechanism asks it to do
- Hyperability
- None
- Personality
- Subserviant, yes-man to Mechanism
- Fears
- None, because it's a robot and robots aren't afraid of man, woman, or beast
- Appearances
- History
- November 10, 9109 Mechanism builds Appliance November 11, 9109 Mechanism regrets building Appliance November 12, 9109 Mechanism wants to shoot himself for having built Appliance
- Quotation
- "I retire now to shine your boots and think of adorations to write on your 'I Live for Weekends' whiteboard." (from issue 6, Power Tool)
Name: Bloodborne
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- Ivo Sokolov
- Faction
- No faction
- Occupation
- Dolt, Taint's dog
- Species
- Terran
- Talents
- None
- Hyperability
- Able to contaminate people’s blood by thought
- Personality
- Subservient to Taint
- Fears
- None
- Appearances
- History
- July 3, 8987 happy birthday, stank knot! May 16, 9025 starts using gala, a hallucinogenic drug December 30, 9030 visits Taint’s drug shelter, high on rocket, a hyperability accelerant; backfire hyperability causes blood poisoning in everyone, including Taint January 9, 9031 is enslaved by Taint; Taint uses Bloodborne to give people illnesses so she can suck their lifeforce and continue to live September 14, 9084 deals with Ice Cream Headache (book 0)
- Quotation
- "Taint, I’ll get that datasheet, but please, give me a hit. Just one. It’s unbearable." (from issue 0, The Story So Far)
Name: Braindead
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- Nerrgggghhhhhggg
- Faction
- The Bad Guys
- Occupation
- Chief bodyguard to Master Asinine
- Species
- Virillian
- Talents
- Marksmanship, combat, blank stares
- Hyperability
- None
- Personality
- Doesn't speak, is loyal to Lieutenant IQ 23 and Master Asinine
- Fears
- None
- Appearances
- History
- August 30, 9102 meets Master Asinine and helps form the Mikazin Clan March 18, 9103 helps form the Bad Guys
- Quotation
- A good old blank stare (from any issue--kinda his catchphrase)
Name: Brick
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- Unknown but people call him Boxy the Boxiest
- Faction
- The Bad Guys
- Occupation
- Scientist
- Species
- Logistican
- Talents
- Mad sciencing, making freaky awesome gadgets...is that redundant?
- Hyperability
- Possesses brick-coated skin
- Personality
- Uses billion-moolah sentences, is intellectual, can make a catapult that launches ice cream into Master Asinine's mouth from eighty yards away
- Fears
- Using three-letter words if his vocabulary is any indication
- Appearances
- History
- May 31, 9088 is successful in fusing his skin with bricks for the sake of science!! September 1, 9109 accepts a position with the Bad Guys
- Quotation
- "Mr. Asinine, if apposition has registered suitably, might I promote a subterfuge of discharging our pomme de terre armory upon the space vessel?" (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)
Name: Burnout
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- Mark Abends
- Faction
- The Good Guys
- Occupation
- Field agent
- Species
- Terran
- Talents
- Bodybuilding, keeping his brother Power Plant out of trouble...actually he's not that good at that last thing
- Hyperability
- Creating/manipulating fire
- Personality
- Has high-tension, acts with brotherly love toward Power Plant, is overprotective toward Power Plant, is easily angered
- Fears
- Something will happen to Power Plant
- Appearances
- History
- March 14, 9096 runs away from home with Power Plant, scars his father for physically abusing Power Plant November 6, 9096 arrested for stealing food November 14, 9096 is released from prison but continues to steal for survival; continues to be imprisoned February 1, 9100 is given money by the government to live a straight life April 30, 9100 opens a training gym for hyperabilitied youths July 7, 9101 closes gym due to lack of income; becomes a construction worker July 20, 9108 joins the Good Guys
- Quotation
- "Jeff, you know what happens when you make up acronyms. Your brain thinks you're spelling and it overheats." (from issue 1, Serial Fiction Sideshow)
Name: Car Alarm
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- None
- Faction
- The Good Guys
- Occupation
- Pilot, loudest thing in the room
- Species
- Robot
- Talents
- Screaming, hollering, blaring, clattering, waking up the neighbors
- Hyperability
- None
- Personality
- By now you know he's just a screaming robot snowman
- Fears
- None
- Appearances
- History
- September 9, 9109 is built by Power Plant September 10, 9109 starts annoying others
- Quotation
- Just go outside and listen to a city street...you'll get one of his quotations in five minutes
Name: Franchise
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- Jacob Refensil
- Faction
- The Good Guys
- Occupation
- Field agent
- Species
- Terran
- Talents
- Cracking his knuckles
- Hyperability
- Multiplying himself
- Personality
- Gets involved in Power Plant's pranks, harbors fears for just about everything you can think of
- Fears
- ...we should probably start with what he's not afraid of: puppies
- Appearances
-
- Book #1: Serial Fiction Sideshow
- Book #2: Home Sweet Home Invasion
- Book #3: Technophobia
- Book #4: Armageddon Trigger Finger
- Book #5: The Genetic Equation
- Book #6: Power Tool
- Book #7: The Lesser of Two Egos
- Book #8: Untitled or Attitude Adjustments
- Book #9: Those We Left Behind
- Book #0: The Story So Far
- History
- November 6, 9099 drops out of school due to underperformance, works at his parents' recharge station July 20, 9108 joins the Good Guys September 3, 9108 resumes tutor-based schooling
- Quotation
- "Every time you screw around with stuff, I end up needing another chemical shower." (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion
- Solo story
- Make sure to check out Franchise's solo story!
Name: Harrier
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- Everett Pendleton
- Faction
- The Good Guys
- Occupation
- Field agent
- Species
- Terran
- Talents
- Being British, overpronouncing his T's
- Hyperability
- Possessing wings
- Personality
- Acts too serious for his own good, is OCD about control
- Fears
- Losing control of situations
- Appearances
- History
- October 18, 9087 joins Intergalactic Protection August 25, 9105 leads a squad into an ambush at Abell 400 in which only he survives January 1, 9107 is dismissed from active duty due to his hypermutation July 20, 9108 joins the Good Guys
- Quotation
- "Nothing has ended in bloodshed, has it?" (from issue 3, Technophobia)
Name: Ice Cream Headache
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- Hailie MacReynolds
- Faction
- The Bad Guys
- Occupation
- Maniac, soldier
- Species
- Terran
- Talents
- Streetfighting
- Hyperability
- Numbing people's brains with ice cream headaches that incapacitate you to incapatication (hooray for repetition!)
- Personality
- Follower, thug, trying to overcome her position as the only woman on the Bad Guys, trying to overcome her position as the only Bad Guy who has a tasty hyperability with low-fat options
- Fears
- Lactose
- Appearances
- History
- August 1, 9074 gets first ice cream headache and develops hyperability July 14, 9084 starts robbing banks by freezing people's brains August 2, 9084 media gives her a media name October 3, 9109 joins the Bad Guys
- Quotation
- "Leave my cone alone leave my cone alone." (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)
- Solo story
- What's going on at the First Bank of Mad Wild Awesome? Find out in Ice Cream Headache's solo story!
Name: Kamikaze
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- Unknown
- Faction
- The Good Guys
- Occupation
- Pilot/nagivator
- Species
- Terran
- Talents
- Devising cockamamie ways to die and then showing off that talent
- Hyperability
- Resurrecting, flying
- Personality
- Has an unhealhty exhuberance for dying
- Fears
- Absolutely nothing, much to the chagrin of everybody else
- Appearances
- History
- January 14, 9069 drowns in a bathtub but self-revives minutes later, revealing hyperability March 20, 9076 makes first attempt at suicide; begins a lifelong thrill with pain and suicide; thinks everyone dies and returns to life September 18, 9076 begins staging schoolyard suicide for his classmates, charging money for attendance May 27, 9109 joins the Good Guys
- Quotation
- "Yes, finally my death will come. And how unexpected: the fifth plague." (from issue 3, Technophobia)
Name: Legion
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- Lieutenant Colonel Matross Legion
- Faction
- The Good Guys
- Occupation
- Leader
- Species
- Trioxidillian
- Talents
- Leading, putting up with Power Plant, making snide comments about Master Asinine, mostly leading...he's cool that way
- Hyperability
- None and he still pulls off being Legion
- Personality
- Sacrastic, is a follower of Alaphus, doubts his faith, feels grief over the death of Sopher
- Fears
- That Power Plant will find out the Good Guys own an oven
- Appearances
-
- Book #1: Serial Fiction Sideshow
- Book #2: Home Sweet Home Invasion
- Book #3: Technophobia
- Book #4: Armageddon Trigger Finger
- Book #5: The Genetic Equation
- Book #6: Power Tool
- Book #7: The Lesser of Two Egos
- Book #8: Untitled or Attitude Adjustments
- Book #9: Those We Left Behind
- Book #0: The Story So Far
- History
- June 30, 9092 joins Intergalactic Protection January 4, 9093 meets Master Asinine February 2, 9093 meets Randall Sopher December 1, 9094 begins hating latent technology September 7, 9102 enters military college July 2, 9106 graduates military college, becomes captain July 20, 9108 forms the Good Guys July 21, 9108 begins wondering if Power Plant will be the death of him
- Quotation
- "Power Plant didn't pour mayonnaise into the coolant slot again, did he?" (from issue 3, Technophobia
Name: Lieutenant IQ 23
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- Unrevealed
- Faction
- The Bad Guys
- Occupation
- Second-in-command of the Bad Guys, gofer, Master Asinine's personal assistant, chainsaw juggler at Master Asinine's request
- Species
- Terran
- Talents
- Not chainsaw juggling
- Hyperability
- None
- Personality
- Submissive, follower
- Fears
- Almost nothing since he doesn't think twice as long as Master Asinine says it's okay
- Appearances
-
- Book #1: Serial Fiction Sideshow
- Book #2: Home Sweet Home Invasion
- Book #3: Technophobia
- Book #4: Armageddon Trigger Finger
- Book #5: The Genetic Equation
- Book #6: Power Tool
- Book #7: The Lesser of Two Egos
- Book #8: Untitled or Attitude Adjustments
- Book #9: Those We Left Behind
- Book #0: The Story So Far
- History
- August 30, 9102 meets Master Asinine March 18, 9103 helps form the Mikazin Clan and creates his media name July 19, 9108 helps form the Bad Guys
- Quotation
- "Sir, I just got a buzz from your automated mailbox. Your Masters of the Universe toy set has arrived." (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)
Name: Luzimoss
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- Luzimoss Grennard
- Faction
- No faction
- Occupation
- Unemployed bum
- Species
- Trioxidillian
- Talents
- None
- Hyperability
- Communicates with himself in alternate timelines
- Personality
- Abrasive, suspicious, intolerant of war
- Fears
- None
- Appearances
- History
- December 14, 9067 Born December 19, 9109 Becomes a target of the Bad Guys
- Quotation
- "You there, with the fashion nonsense and the guy in the toy robot suit." (from issue 6, Power Tool)
Name: Master Asinine
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- George Lowensland
- Faction
- The Bad Guys
- Occupation
- Criminal leader of The Bad Guys, self-appointed minister
- Species
- Terran
- Talents
- According to him, everything; also fashion
- Hyperability
- None
- Personality
- Stupid, eccentric, lover of teen music, has bad fashion sense, believes in the power of positive thinking when it comes to growing a third eye
- Fears
- That his plans for creating the first chocolate/chalk empire, Chalkolataria, will never be fully realized
- Appearances
-
- Book #1: Serial Fiction Sideshow
- Book #2: Home Sweet Home Invasion
- Book #3: Technophobia
- Book #4: Armageddon Trigger Finger
- Book #5: The Genetic Equation
- Book #6: Power Tool
- Book #7: The Lesser of Two Egos
- Book #8: Untitled or Attitude Adjustments
- Book #9: Those We Left Behind
- Book #0: The Story So Far
- History
- January 2, 9093 drops out of school January 3, 9093 joins Intergalactic Protection as a private January 4, 9093 meets Matross Legion February 2, 9093 meets Randall Sopher October 7-8, 9094 "helps" stop the Havlic Riots, shoves a cucumber into his right ear April 9-July 9, 9095 serves in the shellshock ward of Intergalactic Protection May 20-27, 9097 becomes a prisoner of war and gets tortured August 30, 9102 meets Braindead and Lieutenant IQ 23 December 4, 9102 kills Sopher and turns against Intergalactic Protection March 18, 9103 forms the McKazin Clan June 13, 9104 renames the McKazin Clan to the Mikazin Clan July 19, 9108 forms the Bad Guys
- Quotation
- "This device's musical preference is disco, which is awesome because disco is painful." (from issue 3, Technophobia)
Name: Master Asinine Sucks
- Picture
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Ain't lookin' good!
- Real name
- Donald Samperson
- Faction
- The Bad Guys
- Occupation
- Gunslinger, hoohawer, cowpoke, stereotype
- Species
- Terran
- Talents
- Gunslingin', hoohawin', cowpokin', stereotypin'
- Hyperability
- None
- Personality
- None
- Fears
- Having a snake in his boot, the local sheriff
- Appearances
- History
- December 4, 9100 Jjoins the Marmassat clan December 24, 9109 Joins the Bad Guys upon the dissolution of the Marmassat clan January 2, 9110 Promoted to named agent January 2, 9110 Keeps on slingin' those guns
- Quotation
- "Asinine, ignorance is bliss, so I don’t know what you’re so stressed about." (from issue 8, Untitled or Attitude Adjustments)
Name: Mechanism
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- Unrevealed, but it's probably snooty and ends with
- Faction
- The Bad Guys
- Occupation
- Soldier, revolutionary
- Species
- Terran
- Talents
- Ho boy, don't get him started
- Hyperability
- None, but that robot suit of his is really boss
- Personality
- Bold, conceited, judgmental, slightly alcoholic
- Fears
- Idiots, that his fellow criminals will drink his wines while he's not watching
- Appearances
- History
- June 1, 9070 creates his first Mechanism suit June 1, 9070 congratulates himself for creating his first Mechanism suit June 19, 9070 finishes congratulating himself for creating his first Mechanism suit August 23, 9109 joins the Bad Guys
- Quotation
- "This is Master Asinine's favorite door. If we destroy it, we return to mandatory breakfasts in suppository form." (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)
Name: Momentum
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- Ghiglix
- Faction
- The Good Guys
- Occupation
- Field agent
- Species
- Fleeson
- Talents
- Being snide, running fast, not being a hit at a party
- Hyperability
- Technically none (all Fleesons move at hyperspeed)
- Personality
- Is distrustul
- Fears
- The dark, but don't let that on
- Appearances
- History
- July 20, 9108 joins the Good Guys
- Quotation
- "For the last time, it's Momentum. Do I have to home-school you on that word?" (from issue 1, Serial Fiction Sideshow)
Name: Multipurpose
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- Let's not get intrusive here
- Faction
- The Bad Guys
- Occupation
- Ninja
- Species
- Bulbosoid
- Talents
- Not being a ninja, eating
- Hyperability
- None but being blubber
- Personality
- Angry, abrasive, getting exhausted, deluding himself
- Fears
- A good ninja knows no fear. Lucky for us, he's not a good ninja.
- Appearances
- History
- February 14, 9068 : starts being ridiculed for weight, first claims he's a ninja and begins training October 5, 9019 responds to Master Asinine's job call for a ninja October 7, 9109 joins the Bad Guys
- Quotation
- "If not for my crocking ninja reflexes and ironlike ninja skin, I could have been injured." (from issue 5, The Genetic Equation)
Name: Null
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- Roger Dodger, or at least that's what Power Plant calls him
- Faction
- The Good Guys
- Occupation
- Field agent, doorstop
- Species
- Terran
- Talents
- Breathing, drooling, staring
- Hyperability
- Being in a coma
- Personality
- He's permantently comatose, sssssoooo......
- Fears
- None
- Appearances
- History
- None, just...none
- Quotation
- He's in a coma, so good luck getting anything out of him
Name: Patton
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- Patton
- Faction
- Intergalactic Protection
- Occupation
- Brigadier general with Intergalactic Protection, liaison to The Good Guys
- Species
- Terran
- Talents
- Commanding, loving sponsor gratuities
- Hyperability
- None
- Personality
- Warm, understanding, loves his snacks
- Fears
- None
- Appearances
- History
- Nothing too important yet
- Quotation
- "Before we start, my orders are to tell you the new season of Full-Contact Car Tag debuts Monday. Eh. I'm not a big fan of romantic dramas." (from issue 1, Serial Fiction Sideshow)
Name: Pincushion
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- Abioye Kofi Iwu
- Faction
- The Good Guys
- Occupation
- Soldier
- Species
- Terran
- Talents
- Leading, roof repair
- Hyperability
- Spiky extensions over his body
- Personality
- Insomniac, focused, reserved, serious
- Fears
- None
- Appearances
- History
- January 4, 9064 born with hypermutation of spikes February 27, 9070 parents abandon him at a shopping mall because of his spikes, begins living out of garbage cans June 28, 9090 joins the Mission Beach Police Department on Gaia, passes the fitness test based on all the running he did on the streets, gets a forward on his paycheck July 1, 9090 moves into first apartment August 17, 9095 pulls over a speeding car, driver shoots him through the kneecap, leg is reattached with a low-grade cybernetic knee that squeaks and makes him limp, begins suffering insomnia August 21, 9095 is released from the hospital and from duty May 25, 9109 joins the Good Guys
- Quotation
- "Hopefully Asinine hasn't set up his hyena catapults." (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)
- Solo story
- Make sure to check out Pincushion's solo story!
Name: Plaster
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- Unrevealed
- Faction
- The Bad Guys
- Occupation
- Grunt, oil painter
- Species
- Terran
- Talents
- Strength, being a grunt, giving sideways glances, being uggly (notice the extra G in there)
- Hyperability
- Constantly melting/constantly replenishing skin, superhuman strength and durability
- Personality
- Abrasive, sarcastic, surly, and we love him for that
- Fears
- Master Asinine's alarm clock, usually around 5 a.m. to 7 a.m.
- Appearances
- History
- November 17, 9067 kills a classmate and is deemed a juvenile delinquent, is placed in foster homes, criminal programs, and special schools April 1, 9076 runs off and begins a life of crime that includes armed robbery, murder, assault causing bodily harm, drug trafficking, and adopting a kitten without proper paperwork December 4, 9081 arrested July 31, 9082 sentenced to die on December 4, 9082 August 2, 9082 agrees to go through an experiment to cure skin diseases in trade for a demotion of his sentence to life imprisonment September 10, 9083 goes through with experiment, skin goes into a constant-melting-constant-replenishing state, given the media name Plaster March 18, 9103 becomes a founder of the Bad Guys
- Quotation
- "It's a diabolical plan. He'll use our own sippy cup against us." (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)
Name: Power Plant
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- Jeff Abends
- Faction
- The Good Guys
- Occupation
- Field agent, diversionary tactics, red meat eater
- Species
- Terran
- Talents
- Robotics, making you facepalm and question the human race
- Hyperability
- Light manipulation (he shoots lasers from body parts)
- Personality
- Immature, happy-go-lucky, mischievous, not the brightest bulb
- Fears
- Traffic detours
- Appearances
-
- Book #1: Serial Fiction Sideshow
- Book #2: Home Sweet Home Invasion
- Book #3: Technophobia
- Book #4: Armageddon Trigger Finger
- Book #5: The Genetic Equation
- Book #6: Power Tool
- Book #7: The Lesser of Two Egos
- Book #8: Untitled or Attitude Adjustments
- Book #9: Those We Left Behind
- Book #0: The Story So Far
- History
- March 14, 9096 with brother Mark, runs away from home to escape physical abuse November 6, 9096 to February 1, 9100 is arrested multiple times for stealing food July 7, 9101 finds work as a construction worker July 20, 9108 joins the Good Guys mostly to get more access to processed sugar July 22, 9108 adopts the media name Power Plant because, hey, it was as good a name as any
- Quotation
- "One o' my nostrils is bigger than the other." (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)
Name: Reef
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- Silas Reef
- Faction
- The Good Guys
- Occupation
- Field agent
- Species
- Terran
- Talents
- Putting up with Kamikaze, putting up with Power Plant, putting up with his ex-wife, racketball
- Hyperability
- Classified
- Personality
- Alcoholic, sarcastic, leader, dependable
- Fears
- Losing control of his hyperability
- Appearances
- History
- Classified
- Quotation
- "Kamikaze, please help me. I'm losing the feeling in my toes and you're turning into an optical illusion." (from issue 3, Technophobia)
- Solo story
- Make sure to check out Reef's solo story!
Name: Scapegoat
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- Who knows, who cares?
- Faction
- The Bad Guys
- Occupation
- Space filler
- Species
- Terran
- Talents
- Mixing his words up
- Hyperability
- Blame magnetism
- Personality
- Subservience, loyalty
- Fears
- Not sure if he knows what fear is
- Appearances
- History
- July 19, 9108 becomes a founding member of the Bad Guys July 20, 9108 to present nothing of note
- Quotation
- "Yes, live me serve to master, yes." (from issue 3, Technophobia)
Name: Schizophrenic
- Picture
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Lookin' good!
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- Real name
- Lefty and Righty
- Faction
- The Bad Guys
- Occupation
- Head of security (see what I did there? Head? I'm funny), soldier
- Species
- Terran
- Talents
- Marksmanship, combat, crocking off those around him
- Hyperability
- He has two heads...isn't that enough?
- Personality
- (Lefty) abrasive, sarcastic; (Righty) airheaded, excitable, stupid, clueless
- Fears
- Lefty is too cocky to have fears and Righty is too stupid
- Appearances
- History
- December 31, 9055 abandoned at an orphanage January 16, 9068 runs away from the orphanage, finds a mobile home, kills its owner (an old man), and lives there, building a petty crime gang that operates out of the mobile home September 18, 9082 found by Grestlix of the Houdin clan and asked to become his personal bodyguard, accepts and kills his crime gang, and then sets fire to his mobile home July 19, 9108 joins the Bad Guys July 21, 9108 kills Grestlix and becomes Master Asinine's bodyguard
- Quotation
- "Asinine thinks the guy at Space Cow is diabolical because he keeps putting too many onions in his rump burger." (from issue 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)
Name: Smithereens
- Picture
-
Lookin' good!
Click to view
- Real name
- Cliff Boinette
- Faction
- The Good Guys
- Occupation
- Demolitions
- Species
- Terran
- Talents
- Making bombs and blowing them up (and a lot of other stuff)
- Hyperability
- None
- Personality
- Enthusiastic about explosives, calm in the face of danger
- Fears
- A guy who works as close to explosives as him doesn't have a lot of fears (but it's clowns)
- Appearances
- History
- May 5, 9068 begins experimenting with chemicals in a science kit he got for his birthday, learns to make explosives October 2, 9076 gets a job doing demolition with a construction company June 1, 9082 begins getting famous for bringing down landmark buildings that were crumbling September 18, 9109 joins the Good Guys
- Quotation
- "Need something splattered? You know my motto: 'Whatever needs detonating, I'm threatenating,' eh." (from issue 3, Technophobia)
Name: Taint
- Picture
-
Lookin' good!
Click to view
- Real name
- Lagarnak Preticel
- Faction
- No faction
- Occupation
- (current) backfire hyperability ethnic cleanser, (former) hyperdoctor
- Species
- Logistican
- Talents
- Medicine
- Hyperability
- Harvests life energy from physically sick people
- Personality
- None
- Fears
- None
- Appearances
- History
- April 14, 8566 born October 1, 8599 discovers her happy hyperability of sucking the lifeforce from people January 6, 9000 enters hypermedicine in college February 9, 9026 begins working at a hyperperson drug-addiction shelter December 30, 9030 is poisoned by Bloodborne's hyperability January 1, 9031 is given a robotic suit to sustain her life and slow her death process January 9, 9031 finds and enslaves Bloodborne; uses Bloodborne to track down people with backfire hyperabilities and suck their lifeforces dry September 14, 9084 meets Ice Cream Headache (book 0)
- Quotation
- “You don’t carry a poisoned hyperability. You aren’t our concern.” (from issue 0, The Story So Far)
Name: Topsy and Turvy
- Picture
-
Lookin' good!
Click to view
- Real name
- Your guess is as good as mine
- Faction
- The Good Guys
- Occupation
- Good Guy receptionists, desk clerks, acrobats
- Species
- Again, your guess is as good as mine
- Talents
- Flipping around, being blurry, scaring the crap out of your sense of sight with that orange hair and purple skin and...you get the idea
- Hyperability
- Check out that color scheme of theirs
- Personality
- Happy-go-lucky, chirpy, overexcited
- Fears
- Nothing, those lil' daredevils
- Appearances
- History
- August 14, 9109 joins the Good Guys, but other than that, these guys are a secret
- Quotation
- "Don't mean to--rain on your fun, but--we should--keep those investors alive, hey hey--until they invest at least some--money in--the Good Guys. Double-flip action!" (from issue 3, Technophobia)
Name: Withered Old Battle-Axe
- Picture
-
Lookin' good!
Click to view
- Real name
- Mabel Clasken
- Faction
- The Good Guys
- Occupation
- Pilot
- Species
- Terran
- Talents
- Knitting, seeing four feet in front of her
- Hyperability
- None
- Personality
- None
- Fears
- None, but maybe she should have some
- Appearances
- History
- This character doesn't get out of the house
- Quotation
- This character doesn't speak