Just released the cover for book 7. Just lost my last marble.
Characters: Laugh With Them, Not at Them!
Spoiler warning
Due to how characters change and evolve over a series, The following info has a ton of spoilers in it. Anything from a character's history to their faction to even their real name could give away plot points to what happens later in the series. I've done my best to "fog" out the spoilerific info, but I'd suggest treading lightly through this info or even waiting until you're all caught up with the series before going through.
April 14-20, 9082 parents notice his learning accelerates in relation to computers, so they place him in studies; studies prove he has a hyperability
May 1, 9082 switches from regular schooling to hyperability schooling on Gaia
April 19, 9103 family gets gunned down in his apartment building lobby due to a malfunctioning security drone; develops a fear of firearms
April 30, 9103 enters therapy
July 20, 9108 joins the Good Guys
Quotation
"If you're receiving a shipment of napalm, I'd like to know where ground zero is." (from book 3, Technophobia)
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April 8, 9076 Born
August 16, 9081 Amaranthia starts showing an interest in gymnastics, swordplay, and martial arts
January 14, 9096 Amaranthia starts assassinating for money and calls herself Amaranthia
December 23, 9109 Joins Mechanism's uprising
February 7, 9110 Defects from Mechanism to the Bad Guys
Quotation
"You mean I'm not even worth concert tickets anymore? I knew you should have asked for cash up front." (from book 7, The Lesser of Two Egos)
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November 10, 9109 Mechanism builds Appliance
November 11, 9109 Mechanism regrets building Appliance
November 12, 9109 Mechanism wants to shoot himself for having built Appliance
Quotation
"I retire now to shine your boots and think of adorations to write on your 'I Live for Weekends' whiteboard." (from book 6, Power Tool)
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Name: Bad Aim
Picture
Ain't lookin' good!
Real name
Grrrrraaaaaggghhhhh
Faction
The Bad Guys
Occupation
Thug
Species
Virillian
Talents
The thug life, being a wanna-be rapper, certainly not aiming properly
October 2, 9056 Born
June 13, 9067 Develops the hyperability to speak (weird for an unspeaking race)
October 29, 9087 Has aspirations of being a symphony conductor
June 2, 9088 Begins his life of crime
February 19, 9100 Joins the Marmassat Clan under Kyril's leadership
December 24, 9109 Joins the Bad Guys
February 12, 9110 Promoted to named agent (Bad Guy with a media name)
Quotation
"Holmes, ain't no plan better than hot sauce. Hot sauce be my jam, my jelly, an' my bread, gangsta. Fo' reals! Except, for reals, jam be my jam. Now I gots to get my eat on." (from book 20, The Paper Tiger's Yardstick)
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April 19, 9078 born with degenerative bone disease, this is a source of ridicule from peers and abuse from his father
April 20, 9089 hyperability surfaces and is suddenly able to walk by absorbing other people's abilities to walk
May 13, 9089 starts lashing out at bullies, outfighting them and getting frequent delinquency notices, becomes more overconfident about his hyperability
August 21, 9095 enlists in Intergalactic Protection
April 2, 9110 is hired into the Gooder Guys
Quotation
"I take whatever you do and do it better. It's called talent amplification. Like magic sauce." (from book 23, Marching Orders)
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April 7, 52,974 B.C. Born
May 1, 2992 B.C. Is exposed to material from another dimension, giving him his hyperability and causing him to forget who he is
September 9, 2867 B.C. Continuum sends Blackguard to February 12, 9110 to begin recruiting for his army
Quotation
"I 'get off' because you mortals equate manliness with how hot you make your salsa." (from book 20, The Paper Tiger's Yardstick)
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July 3, 8987 happy birthday, stank knot!
May 16, 9025 starts using gala, a hallucinogenic drug
December 30, 9030 visits Taint's drug shelter, high on rocket, a hyperability accelerant; backfire hyperability causes blood poisoning in everyone, including Taint
January 9, 9031 is enslaved by Taint; Taint uses Bloodborne to give people illnesses so she can suck their lifeforce and continue to live
September 14, 9084 deals with Ice Cream Headache (book 0)
Quotation
"Taint, I'll get that datasheet, but please, give me a hit. Just one. It's unbearable." (from book 0, The Story So Far)
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December 4, 9070 Born with low intelligence
August 8, 9084 Starts being ridiculed for her low intelligence
October 19, 9087 Is exposed to irradiated SATs (because that makes sense) and begins having hallucinations and criminal thoughts
October 19, 9087 Intelligence increases to genius levels, gains telekinesis, starts calling herself Brainiac
February 12, 9110 Joins the Bad Guys
Quotation
"This is hug?" (from book 23, Marching Orders)
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May 31, 9088 is successful in fusing his skin with bricks for the sake of science!!September 1, 9109 accepts a position with the Bad Guys
Quotation
"Mr. Asinine, if apposition has registered suitably, might I promote a subterfuge of discharging our pomme de terre armory upon the space vessel?" (from book 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)
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March 14, 9096 runs away from home with Power Plant, scars his father for physically abusing Power Plant
November 6, 9096 arrested for stealing food
November 14, 9096 is released from prison but continues to steal for survival; continues to be imprisoned
February 1, 9100 is given money by the government to live a straight life
April 30, 9100 opens a training gym for hyperabilitied youths
July 7, 9101 closes gym due to lack of income; becomes a construction worker
July 20, 9108 joins the Good Guys
Quotation
Jeff, you know what happens when you make up acronyms. Your brain thinks you're spelling and it overheats.
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November 13, 9057 Born
October 1, 9072 Starts playing high school football
April 14, 9073 Breaks his knee on the football field and gets replaced
September 1, 9076 Cast as the lead character in Jack Fistbomb, so adopts the stage name Rock de la Roche
May 4, 9084Jack Fistbomb is cancelled, so his's stage career starts taking a downturn
July 18, 9084 Is called a catastrophe based on his dying stage career
April 24, 9103 Last movie before he joins the Good Guys, Ravenous Psycho Bartender 8: The Psychening, is released
February 12, 9110 Joins the Good Guys
Quotation
"Your cat sounds like my kind of cat." (from book 19, Disease of Behavior)
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March 15, 9066 Born
April 30, 9082 Gets the impression he has the hyperability to blow himself up but never tries it
March 18, 9103 Joins the McKazin Clan, which will become the Bad Guys
December 31, 9105 Starts telling people about his hyperability, which he's never used
July 19, 9108 The Bad Guys are formed, and he becomes a Bad Guy generic
January 2, 9110 Gets angry because he's repeatedly passed up at being promoted to a named agent (a Bad Guy with a media name)
February 12, 9110 With Wasted, promotes himself and gives himself the name Detritus to prove to Master Asinine he can be a named agent
Quotation
"Your burps smell like Grandma's bedsheets." (from book 15, Our New Hiring Policy)
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Name: Fragment
Picture
Ain't lookin' good!
Real name
Fflllffrrraaaaaauuugggggrrrr
Faction
Overthrow
Occupation
None
Species
Virillian
Talents
Acrobatic
Hyperability
Freezing air molecules into icelike needles and hurling them
November 6, 9099 drops out of school due to underperformance, works at his parents' recharge station
July 20, 9108 joins the Good Guys
September 3, 9108 resumes tutor-based schooling
Quotation
"Every time you screw around with stuff, I end up needing another chemical shower." (from book 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)
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Name: Gangrene
Picture
Ain't lookin' good!
Real name
None
Faction
Overthrow
Occupation
Pet
Species
Some weird feral thing from Gharalga
Talents
Lapping up what falls on the floor at Thanksgiving dinner, eating its own poop
Hyperability
Leaks poison and acid from pustules riddled around its body
October 18, 9087 joins Intergalactic Protection
August 25, 9105 leads a squad into an ambush at Abell 400 in which only he survives
January 1, 9107 is dismissed from active duty due to his hypermutation
July 20, 9108 joins the Good Guys
Quotation
"Nothing has ended in bloodshed, has it?" (from book 3, Technophobia)
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Name: Hearse
Picture
Ain't lookin' good!
Real name
Hearse
Faction
No faction
Occupation
Bounty hunter
Species
Logistican
Talents
Bounty hunting, hunting bounty, cake decorating
Hyperability
Debilitating precognition of his own death
Personality
Serious, gets the job done, doesn't take nothin' from nobody
February 19, 9046 Born
July 9, 9058 Hearse begins singing baritone in stage musicals, where he enjoys modest success
December 4, 9066 Hearse moves to Stratus Cloud so that he can enter into police training
January 4, 9067 Hearse's son is born
June 5, 9067 Hearse begins police training in Stratus Cloud
August 22, 9067 Hearse decides police training isn't for him and enlists to become a bounty hunter for Intergalactic Protection
June 1, 9074 Hearse graduates from bounty hunter training and is given full killing authority from Intergalactic Protection
April 4, 9076 Hearse begins getting painful, debilitating visions of his own death
May 30, 9078 Hearse's visions become more frequent and he gets a prescription for hyperability-dampening medication, Hyperthesia
May 3, 9082 Hearse's son becomes a very militant astro-environmentalist
May 3, 9082 Hearse is ordered to hunt him
Quotation
"I have suspended compliment-acceptance services until further notice." (from book 22, My Brother's Captor)
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Numbing people's brains with ice cream headaches that incapacitate you to incapatication (hooray for repetition!)
Personality
Follower, thug, trying to overcome her position as the only woman on the Bad Guys, trying to overcome her position as the only Bad Guy who has a tasty hyperability with low-fat options
August 1, 9074 gets first ice cream headache and develops hyperability
July 14, 9084 starts robbing banks by freezing people's brains
August 2, 9084 media gives her a media name
October 3, 9109 joins the Bad Guys
Quotation
"Leave my cone alone leave my cone alone." (from book 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)
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Name: Incendiary
Picture
Ain't lookin' good!
Real name
Edward Delton
Faction
The Good Guys
Occupation
Soldier, student
Species
Terran
Talents
None
Hyperability
Robotic suit he stold from one of Mechanism's soldiers
May 6, 9079 Born
September 7, 9086 Enters into political studies
January 20, 9110 Is given an internship with Power Plant's fake nation, Jefftaria
February 8, 9110 Steals robotic armor from Mechanism to help protect Station One
February 11, 9110 Is hired onto the Good Guys
Quotation
"Jefftaria was my safety fake nation, so please don't screw this up for me." (from book 10, Metaphor for Life)
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January 14, 9069 drowns in a bathtub but self-revives minutes later, revealing hyperability
March 20, 9076 makes first attempt at suicide; begins a lifelong thrill with pain and suicide; thinks everyone dies and returns to life
September 18, 9076 begins staging schoolyard suicide for his classmates, charging money for attendance
May 27, 9109 joins the Good Guys
Quotation
"Yes, finally my death will come. And how unexpected: the fifth plague." (from book 3, Technophobia)
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Name: Klee
Picture
Ain't lookin' good!
Real name
No first name that anyone would understand
Faction
Intergalactic Protection
Occupation
Nobody actually really knows, but acrobat is their best guess
Species
Uh...faun...maybe?
Talents
Acrobatics, speaking loudly and high-pitched, kicking you in the face inadvertently, high-fives
Hyperability
Combat precognition, and that prehensile tail doesn't hurt none either
June 30, 9092 joins Intergalactic Protection
January 4, 9093 meets Master Asinine
February 2, 9093 meets Randall Sopher
December 1, 9094 begins hating latent technology
September 7, 9102 enters military college
July 2, 9106 graduates military college, becomes captain
July 20, 9108 forms the Good Guys
July 21, 9108 begins wondering if Power Plant will be the death of him
Quotation
"Power Plant didn't pour mayonnaise into the coolant slot again, did he?" (from book 3, Technophobia)
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January 2, 9093 drops out of school
January 3, 9093 joins Intergalactic Protection as a private
January 4, 9093 meets Matross Legion
February 2, 9093 meets Randall Sopher
October 7-8, 9094 "helps" stop the Havlic Riots, shoves a cucumber into his right ear
April 9-July 9, 9095 serves in the shellshock ward of Intergalactic Protection
May 20-27, 9097 becomes a prisoner of war and gets tortured
August 30, 9102 meets Braindead and Lieutenant IQ 23
December 4, 9102 kills Sopher and turns against Intergalactic Protection
March 18, 9103 forms the McKazin Clan
June 13, 9104 renames the McKazin Clan to the Mikazin Clan
July 19, 9108 forms the Bad Guys
Quotation
"This device's musical preference is disco, which is awesome because disco is painful." (from book 3, Technophobia)
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December 4, 9100 Jjoins the Marmassat clan
December 24, 9109 Joins the Bad Guys upon the dissolution of the Marmassat clan
January 2, 9110 Promoted to named agent
January 2, 9110 Keeps on slingin' those guns
Quotation
"Asinine, ignorance is bliss, so I don't know what you're so stressed about." (from book 8, Untitled or Attitude Adjustments)
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June 1, 9070 creates his first Mechanism suit
June 1, 9070 congratulates himself for creating his first Mechanism suit
June 19, 9070 finishes congratulating himself for creating his first Mechanism suit
August 23, 9109 joins the Bad Guys
Quotation
"This is Master Asinine's favorite door. If we destroy it, we return to mandatory breakfasts in suppository form." (from book 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)
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February 14, 9068 : starts being ridiculed for weight, first claims he's a ninja and begins training
October 5, 9019 responds to Master Asinine's job call for a ninja
October 7, 9109 joins the Bad Guys
Quotation
"If not for my crocking ninja reflexes and ironlike ninja skin, I could have been injured." (from book 5, The Genetic Equation)
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October 17, 9075 Born
September 1, 9102 Discovers his hyperability, which is the same as his father's
September 1, 9102 His father starts to push him into vigilantism
February 3, 9103 Starts molding his features
December 19, 9104 Father pushes him to fight Thunder Lizard the Brontosaurus, is flattened and takes a week to reinflate
December 26, 9104 Mother gets fed up with his father's obsession and leaves the family
February 10, 9110 Joins the Good Guys
Quotation
"If it's okay, I'll stick with my dad. I'd prefer to be on hand in case Janice convinces him to launder his clothes while he wears them. Again." (from book 22, My Brother's Captor)
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January 4, 9064 born with hypermutation of spikes
February 27, 9070 parents abandon him at a shopping mall because of his spikes, begins living out of garbage cans
June 28, 9090 joins the Mission Beach Police Department on Gaia, passes the fitness test based on all the running he did on the streets, gets a forward on his paycheck
July 1, 9090 moves into first apartment
August 17, 9095 pulls over a speeding car, driver shoots him through the kneecap, leg is reattached with a low-grade cybernetic knee that squeaks and makes him limp, begins suffering insomnia
August 21, 9095 is released from the hospital and from duty
May 25, 9109 joins the Good Guys
Quotation
"Hopefully Asinine hasn't set up his hyena catapults." (from book 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)
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November 17, 9067 kills a classmate and is deemed a juvenile delinquent, is placed in foster homes, criminal programs, and special schools
April 1, 9076 runs off and begins a life of crime that includes armed robbery, murder, assault causing bodily harm, drug trafficking, and adopting a kitten without proper paperwork
December 4, 9081 arrested
July 31, 9082 sentenced to die on December 4, 9082
August 2, 9082 agrees to go through an experiment to cure skin diseases in trade for a demotion of his sentence to life imprisonment
September 10, 9083 goes through with experiment, skin goes into a constant-melting-constant-replenishing state, given the media name Plaster
March 18, 9103 becomes a founder of the Bad Guys
Quotation
"It's a diabolical plan. He'll use our own sippy cup against us." (from book 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)
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December 12, 9066 Born
March 19, 9078 Starts an interest in extreme fitness
August 19, 9086 Joins Intergalactic Protection
August 7, 9091 Meets Success Party and starts dating
September 3, 9092 Success Party finds out she's a hyperperson
October 15, 9092 Breaks up with Success Party
December 14, 9092 Intergalactic Protection announces their decision to demilitarize women, so Plastique walks out
February 12, 9110 Joins the Good Guys
Quotation
"Looks like we'll settle this mano a whomever's coming down. Hopefully not Multipurpose. I'm not up to date on my shots." (from book 21, This One Has a Dancing Gibbon)
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March 14, 9096 with brother Mark, runs away from home to escape physical abuse
November 6, 9096 to February 1, 9100 is arrested multiple times for stealing food
July 7, 9101 finds work as a construction worker
July 20, 9108 joins the Good Guys mostly to get more access to processed sugar
July 22, 9108 adopts the media name Power Plant because, hey, it was as good a name as any
Quotation
"One o' my nostrils is bigger than the other." (from book 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)
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Name: Punch
Picture
Ain't lookin' good!
Real name
None
Faction
The Bad Guys
Occupation
Hand model
Species
Terran
Talents
Being a hand, gripping things, high-fiving
Hyperability
None
Personality
Is a mutated giant hand, smokes a pipe, he's a freaking mutated giant hand that smokes a pipe!
May 30, 9066 A Terran severs his hand and it falls into mutagenic ooze
June 1, 9066=The hand that becomes Punch is put in a lab and continues to growSeptember 25, 9086 Now a grown hand with a face and legs, Punch escapes the lab
October 1, 9086 Punch begins a crime spree looking for full-body gloves
April 9, 9101 Punch joins the Marmassat clan
December 24, 9109 Joins the Bad Guys
February 12, 9110 Promoted to named agent (a Bad Guy with a media name)
Quotation
"Is that why you have horns growing out of your scalp?" (from book 15, Our New Hiring Policy)
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Name: The Purple Nurple
Picture
Ain't lookin' good!
Real name
Lt. Col. Kyle Freuth
Faction
Intergalactic Protection
Occupation
Lieutenant colonel, leader of the offshoot team The Gooder Guys
Species
Terran
Talents
Listening (yes...listening is his talent)
Hyperability
Wears reflective suit that cycles through sponsorship logos and has two prominently spiked nipples...and a freaking cape
August 14, 9071 Born
September 1, 9090 Freuth enlists in Intergalactic Protection to pay for an expensive operation for his brother
December 18, 9093 Freuth, realizing his service isn't paying for his brother's operation quickly enough, enters military college with Intergalactic Protection
August 18, 9095 Meets Legion
February 13, 9096 graduates military college and becomes captain
February 13, 9110 Intergalactic Protection Field Marshal Hullinger strikes a deal with Freuth to help IP recover the aswang
April 3, 9110 Takes the media identity The Purple Nurple and is put in leadership of the Gooder Guys
Quotation
"It was the closest animal-related charge in our database. The other choices were 'animal-fighting ring' and 'illegally harboring a sharknado." (from book 23, Marching Orders)
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November 16, 9063 Born
July 8, 9076 Falls in with a crowd who teaches him to be racist against Terrans
January 4, 9084 Begins killing Terrans
February 14, 9085 Creates his costume, fusing serrated blades to the fabric of his impact costume, and gives himself the media name "Ripsaw"
September 19, 9108 Is arrested for the deaths of 43 Terrans
December 4, 9108 Is judged guilty and imprisoned in the Stavehill Hyperperson Penitentiary
Quotation
"The leprechaun is laughing at how you walk around with that face of yours and still feel pride." (from book 20, The Paper Tiger's Yardstick)
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December 31, 9055 abandoned at an orphanage
January 16, 9068 runs away from the orphanage, finds a mobile home, kills its owner (an old man), and lives there, building a petty crime gang that operates out of the mobile home
September 18, 9082 found by Grestlix of the Houdin clan and asked to become his personal bodyguard, accepts and kills his crime gang, and then sets fire to his mobile home
July 19, 9108 joins the Bad Guys
July 21, 9108 kills Grestlix and becomes Master Asinine's bodyguard
Quotation
"Asinine thinks the guy at Space Cow is diabolical because he keeps putting too many onions in his rump burger." (from book 2, Home Sweet Home Invasion)
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June 5, 9074 Born to a farming family
January 16, 9109 His father notices weird stuff going on at the farm down the road and investigates
January 16, 9109 Family goes on the run
January 21, 9109 His parents go missing
March 4, 9109 Saves a child and gets media attention
January 4, 9110 Joins the Good Guys
Quotation
"It's true. Everybody loves a surprise hamburger." (from book 20, The Paper Tiger's Yardstick)
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May 5, 9068 begins experimenting with chemicals in a science kit he got for his birthday, learns to make explosives
October 2, 9076 gets a job doing demolition with a construction company
June 1, 9082 begins getting famous for bringing down landmark buildings that were crumbling
September 18, 9109 joins the Good Guys
Quotation
"Need something splattered? You know my motto: 'Whatever needs detonating, I'm threatenating,' eh." (from book 3, Technophobia)
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July 6, 2882 B.C. Born
September 9, 2867 B.C. Made a hyperperson by Continuum
October 1, 2867 B.C. Memorizes a transcript of events that take place on February 20, 9110 at Station One
October 1, 2867 B.C. Sent to February 20, 9110 to capture the mental templates of the Good Guys and the Bad Guys
February 20, 9110 Collects the mental templates of the Good Guys and Bad Guys
Quotation
This character doesn't speak
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April 14, 8566 born
October 1, 8599 discovers her happy hyperability of sucking the lifeforce from people
January 6, 9000 enters hypermedicine in college
February 9, 9026 begins working at a hyperperson drug-addiction shelter
December 30, 9030 is poisoned by Bloodborne's hyperability
January 1, 9031 is given a robotic suit to sustain her life and slow her death process
January 9, 9031 finds and enslaves Bloodborne; uses Bloodborne to track down people with backfire hyperabilities and suck their lifeforces dry
September 14, 9084 meets Ice Cream Headache (book 0)
Quotation
"You don't carry a poisoned hyperability. You aren't our concern." (from book 0, The Story So Far)
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August 14, 9109 joins the Good Guys, but other than that, these guys are a secret
Quotation
"Don't mean to--rain on your fun, but--we should--keep those investors alive, hey hey--until they invest at least some--money in--the Good Guys. Double-flip action!" (from book 3, Technophobia)
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September 28, 9067 Born with fetal alcohol syndrome, which gives him his hyperability and causes his perpetual intoxication
March 18, 9103 Joins the McKazin Clan, which will become the Bad Guys
July 19, 9108 The Bad Guys are formed, and he becomes a Bad Guy generic
February 12, 9110 Detritus promotes himself and Wasted to named agent (Bad Guy with a media name)
Quotation
"We shoul...we...I mean...oh, piss. I need a...I got a hangover." (from book 15, Our New Hiring Policy)
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"The what's-it in the thingamabob room didn't blink fast enough. So I unplugged the whatchamacallit and put the whatever-it-is into the thingamajig slot. Now it's on fire. I'm going to bed." (from book 7, The Lesser of Two Egos)
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Name: Workshop
Picture
Ain't lookin' good!
Real name
Santixoka Brendivitsiokx
Faction
Intergalactic Protection
Occupation
Mechanic, pilot
Species
Gharalgian
Talents
Running around the room, squealing, being enthused
Hyperability
Technological intuition
Personality
Enthusiastic about everything, hyper, chipper, happy-go-lucky
February 19, 1780 Born
July 2, 1790 Is put to work in the tobacco fields of the Faber family
August 12, 1794 Younger brother, Deion, dies from heat exhaustion while working the tobacco fields
August 13, 1794 Refuses to work because of his brother's death, is whipped, discovers his hyperability, rips apart the Fabers, goes on the run
August 17, 1794 Starts killing villagers, partly out of revenge for how he's treated
July 31, 1800 Is rescued by Blackguard
March 30, 9110 Joins Intergalactic Protection as a plant
Quotation
"Lawd Continuum ain't gonna be whipped. Y'all ain't stoppin' nothin'." (from book 24, To Wake the Deactivated)
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